At His Time

I was nursing a broken heart when a friend told me to stop crying and wait for the right time. I never know exactly what she was referring to coz at that i was just thinkin of going back on him and start all over again. BUt it came to the point that he no longer wanted me back because he is already in love with someone else. I begged on him just to win him back unfortunately no matter how desperate my move was, i didnt have him. I think those nights were saddest point in my life so far. It was the time i cried for all the memories and i cried for the pain. It was the moment that i wanted to question why i was not loved, and why i have a wrong guy. Unfortunately, it was not just the only time i experienced being broken coz i had my fair share for quite a few times. But everytime i had a little moving on, i am doing a little growing on. IT maybe tough for some time and it may be painful always but once you learn to wait, destiny will just make ways to cross your path. I honestly believe in being meant to be. I have heard few stories of being meant for one another and that fate has made them back in each others arms. Nonetheless, we have our own stories to tell, we have our own drive in the journey of life. I agree that i had surpassed the times of craving for a relatiosnhip, i did had my moment that i wanted to rush things but when i started to get tired and finally stopped - that's the time that destiny works for itself and suddenly you just wake up with a realization that you have your man at your side. Indeed, you will just finally knew when the feeling is right. LOve, LOve, Love

How Could....

...a person sacrifices his own happiness in the name of love like accepting all the insults, violence, heart-breaking circumstances and even accepting a scenario where love triangle is involved. I used to be an avid reader of a local novel. In fact i was hooked with this hobby for many years. Thinking that there is indeed a man made for you and that at the perfect time, he will come and beg for your love. U used to have this kind of mentality way before i met my first boyfriend. But reality has messed up my imagination and in just a splash its like a sand castles blown by the waves. Suddenly my dreams and fairy taled inspired concept of love has change and later on has vanished. My concept of love then was like a disney inspired story, i was the princess and the prince is the man i will met who will love me for me. But my story has not ended the way i want it to be. In fact, when i finally broke up with my first boyfriend, it was i think the saddest part of my life. I remember using the three rolls of tissue paper and throwing all the stuff he gave to me - because i knew deep withing myself tha i have indeed love him unconditionally. With all those things that i experienced ive thought that im far better and matured. I hurriedly jumped into a relationship with a man i just came to know in just a few months. Ive thought that getting to know him while we were in a relayionship stage will just help a lot in our coupledom but i was so wrong because the more that i get to know him, the more that i regret being attached to him. He was the kind who wanted to hook all the girls in the world, dating left and right became his hobby. As a faithful girlfriend i never complained thinking that he will just changed later on. But change as they say will not be possible if the person himself is not willing to do so, in short he doesnt respect me and he has a different concept of love. Way then, i knew i how heart breaks are devastating. I knew how mending a broken heart is difficult than mending a wounded knees. But i realized that really love can change the entirety of you, you became tame even if you acted like a lion and worst you become stupid at its worst from. But what is indeed painful is loving someone though you knew he is already commited with someone else. That no matter how you try to cut the rope that attached your feelings to him, you simply cant - because you have already loved him deeply. There maybe different situations, scenarios and cases of love. But at the end of the day, you really cant questions the break ups or regret cause it happens for a reason. We may never understand what it tries to convey to us today but im sure it is clearly shown at the future.

I STILL DO

When choices arise, its still whats best for us and what we think at that moment that will give us peace of mind that will surely win the game. Winning is not at all times about having a happy ending, not even about a fullfilment of a wish or dream but at the end of the day sometimes winning defines as having to wake up one morning feeling contented and to have the right reason to smile. Having a feeling of being so ruined and broken create a big difference to someone elses life. When sometimes you even bargain to do anything for that person - up to that extent yet still, not enough. Then should you settle for anything less just to fullfill the meotion of being loved? or should you run after him and shout to the entire world that this person means a lot to you. Sometimes out of the blue feeling, i am tempted really to do the stupid and the worst things a woman could ever do for love, out of desperation perhaps, like begging and trade anything he wants just to win him back BUT the thought alone hurts me, how much more the act itself. Remembering our times and our memories couldnt really be of help, just making things worst. I kept telling myself that things has its own time and that the journey ha sits own moment and things just happened if its really GOd's willing. Which made me think that God really and purposely break our ties, to have separate lives. He really intends to make my path away from him, as to what purpose and reason, i still dont know by now.

I am sacred to fall in love again, i am scared that i might be hurt again, i am scared of the possiblity of being played all over again. BUT HE promised of a love that is beyond compare, and for a life that was made out of sincere love, i know whoever that person i am about to meet , it will be a promise of sincere love, that THEY once had wasted.

FAIR BARGAIN

Out of Nowhere i was tempted to text my ex after a few months of hiatus and really zero communiations. The first time my text was sent, it was like my heart was beating so fast, like i was really there in front of him, but after a while my excitement vanished, not for anything else but for one sad realization - he was still the man ive left 129 days ago, same persona, same man who have broke my prescious heart. I realized i am just so lucky with all the present things ive had and more importantly im thankful he was just a memory and now i swear will just be a memory. The hurts are all gone, i have moved on already but this past few nights i want to make sure im at the right path and have never left my heart from someone else, Maybe i regret having the chance to speak with him now but its not the regret that dominates, its more of the WAT IF? what if i did do that? wil i be forever hooked by his memories? THanks i did it, i have proven one important lesson that i knew will be embedded forever in m y heart, as my friend quote " remembering what he has to u, are u stil willing to keep him?" i may be naive sometimes but having the decision of being with someone who will always puts you down, tore my heart. I he's not for forever, why will i waste my time with someone i allowed my life to be wasted for 3 years? Isnt it TOOOOOOOOOOO much?

BUT if GOD just allowed these heartaches and pains for me to be with the road of the man HE allowed me to be part of, THEN ITS A FAIR BARGAIN.

The Necklace: A Story of Broken Vow

This is the first time,im ben lifting my private boundaries for this blog. This blog was like 3 years already and this bounds my life, my everyday experiences, my heartbrakes and mostly a stories of people who have come and go. Its quite sad to say that though sometimes we wish for happy endings but reality checak its the hardest way to do. People change and people go, we cant force them to stay if they dont want us anymore to become part of their life. I guess i have said this a lot of time already that just any ordinary woman, i have loved and for once i felt being loved. The former was already my hobbies perhaps my interests too, i easily fell in love but the later was the hardest thing to detect, if i was loved or if i was just one of the girls he had played? For those who had been a visitor, many would attest how my life became meaningful and colorful when i met this man. We met at certain dating site 2006 and the relationship continue until last year, we became a couple and though we were miles apart, it didnt hinder us to really make ways to keep in touch. This is the first time ill say, that even though i knew from the start that it wouldnt last long, it was too late that i realize i already felt in love with him. I dont want to elaborate his details but whatever it is and for whoever he is, i have loved him for who is and for who he is not. Finally after 3 years of talking, ive agreed to meet him up last year, it was one of the memorable times of my life. I knew already that things are starting to fall against me. The meeting was so great, we bonded and truelly nothing has changed but i knew my feelings was a far opposite from what hes truelly feeling for. I dont know exactly what he was thinkin at that time or what he was planning for that matter, i really dont know, coz until this very time, ony one thing is clear to me. I have proved to myself that i was hitted by cupid's arrow at the very first time i set my eyes on him. During the meeting, he handed me a beautiful necklace with a pendant especially craft my name. At first i dont want to accept it, coz i think its not the right time for me to accept expensive gifts from him but later on as he insists ive realized it was not a gift, its a symbol of our love, of the relationship that have grow amidst pain and heartbrakes. I have given him a very special card i personally handpicked and have written a special dedication in it. I have personally speak on his front what was written their. It all came from the heart. Part of it, it says, though our paths parted, you will always and will still be a part of me. I dont know if its just a coincidence that somehow theres quite a goodbye in some aspects of it, but it was never been planned or was forecasted either. But it happened.

Still when im left with beautiful songs at night, i cant help but cry for him and for our memories. Its really really so painful that it ends up to somethin i was not prepared. He left me at the very moment i was use living up with him. Should he had just been honest that he was not really serious with me from the very start, i guess it would still be better now. If he just left me with bad memories, it should have been easier to pack up and move forward, BUT for years he had made his life a part of mine and so his heart as mine, how could i imagine life without him, when u have taught me to life it with you.

Still, pains have anestecias to alleviate the hurt. and for now,though the future is not for u and me but our past was more than enough for us, for a story worth telling for.

What IF?

If things maybe not right then now? when it the right time? and if you did had the chance to make proper choices, would you choose the right thing, when the right thing is being friends and did not start as lovers? Maybe our paths crossed because we do have lessons to be earned, its just sad that we have to know it the hard way. And now we do realized things and we were sorry for starting things wrong, but are there really exact standards to follow as to when and who to fall in love with? Why is it very predominant in the game of love to have more mistakes than happy endings? Is it because theres really no rules in love? or is it because we just dont have the heart and true meaning of what really love is?

If love is about pain, then i guess i would be willing to earn the suffering and if love is about happiness, then much more that i wanted to enjoy the feeling of being other centered and forgetting one's selfs. But what if love is about both? taking pains to finally get a sought after happy endings. And if happy endings are really worth it then i would be very glad to be hurt for you if ending up with you is the ultimate price.

:-(

I have had enough stories to tell in my life. Some had brought me the smiles and some are those that are not worth telling for. There are those too that i believe keeping it within my heart was the best thing to do. Our stories are just one of the few memories that i will cherish forever. I didnt want to go but the situation needs it babe, i dont want to cut the rope that binds me to you but this is the only thing best for us now. The distance is really killing us and everyday is just a survival game, of longingness and of imagination. I appreciate every inch you did for the relationship, i am flattered of the big and small things you did for me. I couldnt ask for more anymore for the love that you have shown to me. I guess im starting to believe that sometimes love isnt just enough, no matter how two of you have exerted all the efforts, time would really come that you need to let go of his hand coz you want him to be happy. Babe i cried because i couldnt keep the pain - of the thought that its very hard for you to keep the relationship. Sometimes i dont want to think of you coz if i do, i am just thinkin of how unfair love seems to. When you think you met him at the perfect day but you have an imperfect situations. I used to believe that love can be work out so as relationship but the harder we try the more that we would get hard at the finish line. You were right babe, how much more if we meet and the day came again that we will part aways, isnt it much harder? I dont know when is the perfect time for us, if theres any? but i dont have doubt that i have found the perfect man in you.

For the very last time, allow me to utter the three special word that i knew is for you and will be for u only "i Love You", i may not tell you everyday how much you mean to me but i always do. remember babe, we met at just an ordinary day but seems i couldnt forget that day now, that ordinary day brings out something special tagged as the unforgettable day in my life. I ought just not to leave offline message coz its hurting deep inside of me, as to how i could say goodbye to the man i love. I knew youll read this eventually, theres just no purpose why i wrote here, but i believe this blog was very instrumental in keeping us together. And this blog knew everything that we went thru and all the in-betweens.

Thank you babe for being you, for loving me and for sharing your dreams to me. You know i may not have told you this, but i am touched by everything that you have done. You have always managed to call me and talk to me almost everyday no matter how busy you are, I dont remember a day when you didnt leaved me an offline message, which i will miss soon. Sometimes even if we promised to meet on the net after you called up and even if i didnt shown up, you didnt get mad. And who will forget the day when i was so down, you were there to advice me of what i should and shouldnt have done next time. Enough of that coz i could just remember that night when i couldnt help but smile about the silly things we enjoyed sharing with.

To my babe i will miss you so much, but i guess we dont have a choice right now, you need this and perhaps we need this too. I will surely miss your voice, your offline message, the way you care and the silly and the non-silly things we have shared and laughed.

I was thinkin of the right word to end this, but i couldnt think of one.

Hope this one works :-(

When is Enough an Enough?

Dear heart,

I never failed in reminding you always to be very cardeful in all the things you do and you dont know. I always tells you to takes good care of yourself and dont allow others to stepped back on you and leave you breathless. I always tells you never to trust at the very first beat, learn to takes time and allow the feelings to grow, never rush and weigh things as possible. But you betrayed her once again, i dont know exactly what u did, but i find her crying and she didnt even bother to greet me like she usually did, she is thinking about you and wanting you so deep and intense. Ive told you once that she has done already all the stupidty in this world but that doesnt mean she doesnt deserves to be love, everybody is meant for somebody and i just want you to be wiser this time. Learn not to trust yourself but to trust me too, we should goes hand in hand so that she will not be hurt again and again and again. She said enough of the pain, she said once to me that she is already tired, isnt that enough reason for you to take good care of yourself so that you wont be broken again. Did you forgot that just last year, i have seen you breathless and into tiny little pieces, we have picked you up and my friend named "Time" takes good care of u. remember i allow you to be with him all the time until your healed, and now after a few months i was very happy to look at you, so fresh and so blomming, enough for me to realize that you are ready for a brand new start. And now look at you, you are falling in love again to man i never knew, how could i guide you when u dont even dare to introduce him to me. You once beg to leave you coz u were very sure about him, but i didnt, you're asking too much. Youre asking for a heartache again. How could i leave you at miseries, even if im on top there was no single day when i couldnt afford to reach you. Now pls leand me your hadn, lets think and beat for the person who beats and thinks for us.

PS:

Dont forget to rest, youre too tired now, if you cant sleep just think of me and ill beat for you.

Love,

Brain

Back on my Feet

With a lot of things that troubling in my mind now, i have lots of what ifs? lots of regrets and lots of futursitic thoughts somehow. But though how hard my mountain is right now, though im trying hard to climb every step to reach the peak of it i knew its still with God's best time that will tell as to where i am now. However i am still very positive with everything that is happening, thanks to the spirit and the strength that i always drew from HIM. My faith let me survives on all this. Nevertheless i knew after all the storms that have came, one person really stood by me. I wont deny it, he was very instrumental in inspiring me to ease my mind. I love you so much that i knew deep in my heart i really dont want you to go, i want you to become part of my dreams but im afraid ill wake up that those are just dreams and will be just dreams. I wanted to hold your hand and hold you so tight so that it will take us to forever but im afraid to fall in love again, im afraid to really find myself in love again and be hurt. I knew its so hard for me to trust again, to trust your love but though its very hard for me to live a day without hearing your voice, its much harder to love you and lost you at the end. Thanks for the wonderful memries that you have brought into my life, i may not have see you personally but i have loved you, loved everything in you for who you are and not for what you are. Thank you for the love that i havent felt even to the person i have given my all. THank you for bringing back my confidence that once in my life ive known someone who had loved me unconditionally, thank you for bringing my dreams into reality.

A Happy Ending

Fairy tales do, but my life hasnt, our life do not have always happy ending, farewells normally are painful. Nonetheless, as he bids goodbye i have embraced it as a great beginning, it opens up door for new prospect, it will change things, it will change my dreams and will change my destiny. I have wished to end up with him, yes and i always dream for that, but now that he has found somebody new, it has taught me to accept things and forget the memories. At least, its not yet too late to change things as i wanted, as God wants. At least he was not a father of my children, at least he is not the man i will be commited forever, im glad it has ended. For all the miseries and pain he has brought into my life, im glad God ended it in a manner i havent understand but i have trusted his will. I am glad too that God put someone whom i could lean on when things seems so weary. I am glad he bring into picture someone who was able to fix the little pieces, and hopefully it will be done very soon so that i could give him the key in it. For that someone to trust me for that little love, thank u.

Woman

To all women who had been hurt and always hurt, should learn to give it a try to be brave enough to search for the man who will love and accept us despite great mistakes, and to all men who forgot to value our heart and a reminder that women get tired too.

Goodbye....

Saying goodbye to the one so dear to us is the most painful thing to do in this world, how could we ever do that without hurting the other party, nevertheless there are lots of forms of goodbyes, some would just turn their back on you without a word, some would tell you straight in person and sadly some would show you that they still love u or will show that you are important but deep inisde their heart you are nothing but an ordinary woman for them. One time i received a text message from a good friend, it states "sometimes goodbyes are unsaid, cause though his mouth didnt say that but youre heart can tell",You knew i have been in a lot of painful experience, they have left me broken and shattered, yes every time it came, i feel its still the first time, i still cry so hard, i still feel the warmth of my bed whenever im in my blue days. But no matter how i promised to myslef not to be fool when loving someone, but still until now, i cant help it. Until again a time came when you cant no longer live your life without him, until the day came that he will go, he needs to go, he wanted to leave, and you are left with just two choices, to fight for your love or to let him go.Always and almost, i choose the former, i always beg them to stay, beg for a love, for his love. BUt this very hour, ive learned to embrace goodbye, and that letting go doesnt always mean a sad ending, cause sometimes goodbye is the kindest thing to do to show how much we love him. And that, learn to move forward and never look back, again.

Time For Letting Go

This is the title of the latest album of Karyle, with the song inclusive, You Made Me Stronger, Leaving yesterday Behind and a lot more. The album is so inspiring, heart-warming and really touches your soul, its as if your feeling her pain. If im not mistaken, this album came out after her much publicized break-up with Dingdong Dantes, wherein according to reports, the latter fell in love with Marian Rivera that is why he decided to leave Karyle. In one of her interview, I was really so amazed of how strong this girl is, despite the heartaches and bitterness she felt, she manage to stay calm and strong. despite the fact that she has lost love, she still very positive and put time for letting go.

You can listen to her song http://www.imeem.com/deep08rose17/music/6PU7pEzs/karylle-ill-never-get-over-you-getting-over-me/?rel=1.

Enjoy listening.

How is my Heart?

I dont know if im becoming too possesive or i am just a bratty girl to my lalabs, i am recently feeling bad on him coz of the incident yesterday, i feel like im taken forgranted, i knew i should never complain about this coz above all we have our respective priorities, our work might be a big difference and of course we are flexible, i belong to a world of sales that is why i do have a complicated world, theres no constant for me coz my life revolves around the operation, that as well as my time, but despite of course i always finds time to chat with him coz i missed him so much, that is how i love him. But i always question myself why on his part i feel i am just an option, i mean when hes busy, he would not be visble, i knew he has to prioritize his clients but i dont know, shall i say i am just so selfish? am not that matured enough to understand things, how i wish i would perceived this things in a much more mature understanding, Honestly speaking in 3 years that we've known each other, there was no time that i feel bad towards him, he was the man i would say an ideal partner, a husband material and all those positive adjective that you could attached to his word, that is him. However, we are not perfect also, we have our fights, shortcomings, we have our own trials and relationship tests but after all those lessons that it came along our way, it made me realized that i should be with him, i wanna be with him. Hope this heart of mine would be so strong to surpass this tests. I love this man..i dont know where i am in his heart? time will just answer those doubts.

My song

The emotional roller coster i feel now is such so painful that anyone couldnt bear the pain. I wish i had never fallin, i wish i loved him, despite this regrets, im embracing the pain now. I wish to share this song to everyone who feels the same way with me, to those who are broken, hopefully this will inspire us to move forward.

Baby cried the day the circus came to town,

'Cause she didn't want parades just passing by her.

So she painted on a smile and took up with some clown,

While she danced without a net upon the wire.

I know a lot about her, 'cause you see,

Baby, is an awful lot like me.

Don't cry out loud,

Just keep it inside,

Learn how to hide your feelings.

Fly high and proud.

And if you should fall,

Remember you almost had it all.

Baby saw that when they pulled that big top down,

They left behind her dreams among the letter.

The different kind of love she thought she'd found,

There was nothing left but sawdust and some glitter.

But baby can't be broken, 'cause you see,

She had the finest teacher, that was me.

I told her:Don't cry out loud,

Just keep it inside,

Learn how to hide your feelings.

Fly high and proud.And if you should fall,

Remember you almost had it all.

Don't cry out loud,

Just keep it inside,

Learn how to hide your feelings.

Fly high and proud.And if you should fall,

Remember you almost made it.

Don't cry out loud,J

ust keep it inside,

And learn how to hide your feelings.

Fly high and proud.

And if you should fall,

Remember you almost had it all.

Been touched

I am so touched by the comment of fanzy princess, despite the loneliness and the pain that i have right now, i feel relieved by reading her message, indeed it helps when you air out all your burdens because the advices from friends will surely be a big help, thanks girl for the nice comment...

heres her comment:

"I've definitely been in your shoes. It was so hard to let go when I loved so much and never understood why the love couldn't be returned. But eventually I let go. Now it was a excruciating process especially when you still have so much love left to give but I had to do it. Now I am in the best relationship I have ever been in and my partner and I love each other very much. I am sure if you give you self that chance, In God's best time, you will find that someone for you too.Don't know if you like R&B but it usually helps me through my tough time. "Never Ever" by Ciara is a good one about this situation.Hope you feel better lady :)"

In deep Pain

I always have the reason to stay, but after the last few tears have dried, i have finally found my place out of his life. When you feel that youre no longer part of someones life and theres no reason to hold on, then youve decide to put a space first and eventually move forward from the painful break-up. In deep pain, i asked myself why i want to hold on, despite the pain he gave to me, from the start, i always make it sure that he would be happy with me, for having me but i realized its not enough, its not about giving your all to the person you love rather its about loving him unconditionally without expecting in return, but if one day youve found out that youre no longer the person you were before then its time to put first your self before him, Find time to give the best for yourself coz one day God will evetually introduce the one person youre longing for, and if that time comes youll realize that you deserve someone far better than him. In God's best time........

How to leave him.....

Just a thought, Is there an easy way to heal a broken heart? i guess there is none, basically every pain and grief that we encounter always gives us the most painful experience, it may not be the most hurtful but somehow it would always bring a scar, a constant reminder of the pain it brings once.

To those who are now in the midst of emotional catastrophe, hope post help you in any way possible. I will not say that i have been there and i always understand you because i knew i didnt, the pain that is inside of your heart now is as different as i felt 2 years ago. However, one common thought always comes to our mind, we should learn to move forward, to move on, to be completely healed. Here are some thoughts, id like to share:

1. Learn to accept the pain, the grief = Give yourself permission to be able to undergo the process of undergoing in pain, coz theres no easy way of completly letting go of yourself from his memories not unless you give yourself a time to reminisce, to accept, to forgive and eventually to forget and to get out of his shadow.

2. Feel your feelings, but dont believe them = Feeling bad about it is fine, youre just being true to yourself, youre just being transparent, but feeling bad about your life, about everything is another story. It will just create a negative feeling for yourself, for others and the way you perceived things. It wouldnt bring any good to you.

Falling in love is not about the person your heart ponders the most, its not about the other person. Its about you, about what you feel and what you will feel in the future. Nobody can decide whats good for you, except yourself. If you are in pain now, remember that this is a great avenue to mold you to be a better and matured individual, and lastly always remember that being single open up an avenue to choose a better partner in life.

Sentimental Fool

I remember my honey pie words when we had a very serious argument " sometimes we must be hurt in order to grom coz lessons are best learned in pain", my tears fell whenever i remember him in pain because of me, becuase me being so stupid, i never want to hurt him in any way, that is why i am always in regret hurting him. Everytime i remember his good deeds for me, i cry of disappointment, i never love this way before, that is why i cant afford to lose him. Just as everybody wishes, i am always looking forward that one day i can have him, coz he was still my man and will be my man for as long as i live.

I love u always....

Another Goodbyes

."nights like this,i wish raindrops would fall to cover my tears"....