Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Choice and Choices

It was a fine weather that greeted me as i wake up just 30 minutes before 9 in the morning, it was just 5 more days to go before Christmas day. As i checked the clock, oh my, i forgot to alarm last night, i should have woke up very early coz im going to the southern part of the region, hmmm dont ask why? you knew that already, when a girl does climb the highest mountain or dive the deepest sea, its all for the one and only reason - for the man of her life. True indeed, i finally found my self just few distance more before ill knock at his office, apperantly i feel something stranged, i feel like theres something wrong, my hearts beats faster as if im nervous, i can feel a cold sweat on my hand, i began to ask myself?,whats wrong?hmmm, maybe because im just super excited but i bet not, all these doubts was answered when i opened the door of their office and found him with an another girl, they were at their sweetest position, a girl could not think otherwise, than to conclude that theyre a couple. I wanted to ask, who was the girl but my toungue seems shy to move, but tears fall. I knew it, my heart betrays me again, i couldnt keep the pain in just there, i couldnt make my heart pretend and worst i gave up the bomb thats threateaning to explode in my heart. With no choice, i unburden the emotional bomb infront of the two person i choose not to be with at that time.
I was leaved with two choices, to leave and just stepped away or to face them and pretend that everything will be alright, I choose the later. If you would ask me now, if it was insanity that drives me to choose that, i will tell you, it was not. I believe that facing them off was the best thing to do than to hide all my questions and what if's and choose not to be answered and regret after all. It was the hardest decision i have ever made, it was like facing the truth when you knew that truth will hurt you like the cut of a knife but if truth hurt, isnt a lie hurts most? Keeping and believing a lie for almost 2 years was the one that is much painful, the one day face off was the beginning and the end of my miseries, and i wanted to believe that it was the best decision in my life. Choice tore us apart but my choice made me the complete woman i am right now.
My friends always reminds me to forget and learn to move on, i do and i honestly have move forward but memories are part of us and part of our yesterday. THough we have forget the pain but the scar can never be vanished. I am not feeling the same way anymore nor have kept a special place for him, its just the story of the past that made me share as ive remembered his name. Quite cliche, but as i borrowed what the famous writer have used, sharing a part of you does not mean u havent move on rather reminiscing the past is a clear indication how youre confident of sharing your mistakes to be a lesson and a constant reminder of how you were able to get rid of the painful memories,have moved on, was healed and now a new persona.
Like the wind that passes by and comes back, my stories reminds me of how our choices leads us to where we should be. It may not be so ideal or happy as what we ought our stories to be but it will surely be a story that is worth tellin for. A battle of what should be done and what i havent done.At the end of the day, no matter how my choice has driven a sad love story but it completely turns back my identity, my respect and my self-worth. Can there's still be happy ending?


Allow me to share to you guys how happy i am today for my little sis. the good news is, she is chosen as the official candidate of our region to be one of the contestants in the debate contest in the league of private schools in the country. I am really overjoyed of the mere fact that my sister does so well in her studies, i am proud of the fact that at least all my efforts and sacrifices were paid off, i mean i just so loved my sister so much. Just an hour ago i was at their school to help her in her other documents and get her ticket as well. We did had a good time together though we were on the long queue most of the time, but it all ended up pretty well. OH, i will miss her for two weeks when shes gone, i dont know how to spend the day and especially the night without her, coz mostly we had a usual chitchats about anything under the sun, but its alright, i knew she will not be that long there. You know what i have lots of things to be thankful about, First and foremost because i have a loving and supportive family, my support system is very intact, coz when you are emotionally drained and crippled, they are the one and only family who would be there for you, lucky if you have other shoulders aside from them, lucky if you have the boyfriend or a friend to count on but always and almost the latter usually vanished when youre at your lowest times. Ive just learned that recently..
To my sweety sister, just want to tell you how much i appreciate the bonding we had, i may not tell you everyday how your presence changes the emptiness in me but just once and just for today allow me to tell you how much i appreciate everything youve done for me, i may not be able to express how much i love u and how proud of you because youre my sister, but believe me i really do. Whenever you feel that no one seems to care about you, just bear in mind that im just behind u, no need for demands coz im willing to stick with you without hesitation.