Friday, March 5, 2010

The Necklace: A Story of Broken Vow

This is the first time,im ben lifting my private boundaries for this blog. This blog was like 3 years already and this bounds my life, my everyday experiences, my heartbrakes and mostly a stories of people who have come and go. Its quite sad to say that though sometimes we wish for happy endings but reality checak its the hardest way to do. People change and people go, we cant force them to stay if they dont want us anymore to become part of their life. I guess i have said this a lot of time already that just any ordinary woman, i have loved and for once i felt being loved. The former was already my hobbies perhaps my interests too, i easily fell in love but the later was the hardest thing to detect, if i was loved or if i was just one of the girls he had played? For those who had been a visitor, many would attest how my life became meaningful and colorful when i met this man. We met at certain dating site 2006 and the relationship continue until last year, we became a couple and though we were miles apart, it didnt hinder us to really make ways to keep in touch. This is the first time ill say, that even though i knew from the start that it wouldnt last long, it was too late that i realize i already felt in love with him. I dont want to elaborate his details but whatever it is and for whoever he is, i have loved him for who is and for who he is not. Finally after 3 years of talking, ive agreed to meet him up last year, it was one of the memorable times of my life. I knew already that things are starting to fall against me. The meeting was so great, we bonded and truelly nothing has changed but i knew my feelings was a far opposite from what hes truelly feeling for. I dont know exactly what he was thinkin at that time or what he was planning for that matter, i really dont know, coz until this very time, ony one thing is clear to me. I have proved to myself that i was hitted by cupid's arrow at the very first time i set my eyes on him. During the meeting, he handed me a beautiful necklace with a pendant especially craft my name. At first i dont want to accept it, coz i think its not the right time for me to accept expensive gifts from him but later on as he insists ive realized it was not a gift, its a symbol of our love, of the relationship that have grow amidst pain and heartbrakes. I have given him a very special card i personally handpicked and have written a special dedication in it. I have personally speak on his front what was written their. It all came from the heart. Part of it, it says, though our paths parted, you will always and will still be a part of me. I dont know if its just a coincidence that somehow theres quite a goodbye in some aspects of it, but it was never been planned or was forecasted either. But it happened.
Still when im left with beautiful songs at night, i cant help but cry for him and for our memories. Its really really so painful that it ends up to somethin i was not prepared. He left me at the very moment i was use living up with him. Should he had just been honest that he was not really serious with me from the very start, i guess it would still be better now. If he just left me with bad memories, it should have been easier to pack up and move forward, BUT for years he had made his life a part of mine and so his heart as mine, how could i imagine life without him, when u have taught me to life it with you.
Still, pains have anestecias to alleviate the hurt. and for now,though the future is not for u and me but our past was more than enough for us, for a story worth telling for.

For Someone Special

I have been in quite a sentimental mood lately, it has nothing to do with anyone or it intends for someone else, the mood was because of some thoughts that quite frightened me. I had some reminiscing, i had also some crying moments, i had my turn of regrets and of heartaches and broken relationships. But it didnt stop me from thinkin of some people who had been so good to me and to some acquintances as well that had touched me along the way. Why did i have this thoughts lately? because i felt that i was alone and i felt being unloved. Maybe its normal to feel that way but its too abnormal to feel constantly. For all the past mistakes ive done, i knew i couldnt trun back time and the least that i can do is to learn from it. For those whom i loved and have loved me as well, its the memories that have left on both of us, for us to be reminded of the goods that should be retain and the bads that should not be done anymore, For people who have valued me amidst my shortcomings and my imperfections, i knew i couldnt gave them much but my simple gratitude for making me a part of my life. As my clock turns its hands reminding me to rest, i was left with troubled thoughts of what i am and what im not that made them leaved me. Somehow i was alleviated by the thought that though i am not the perfect persona in their eyes but it doesnt makes me anything of less of value. I am still the woman with distinct character made for someone special.