It had been few days that i am currently in wild thoughts about some past that i wish i had formal closure. My former boyfriend whom i had relationship for quite a while is runing my mind for a couple of nights. I had a lot of question and a dozens of "what ifs". I sometimes think if i made the right move or was my decision right. We didnt had the chance to talk about us because we both have personal issues that we are dealing at that time. When i was in Cebu, he tried to contact me and he wanted to go to my place to patch up things but i didnt allow him. Months had passed and while i was busy minding my own life and so as he, a news reached to me that he is now married and just a few days ago, i heard that he had a son already. Ive thought that i had moved on but really, it gave me still a sleepless nights and a broken heart. I knew i am becoming unfair because i am committed already. I have a wonderful man who gave me everything i want. loves me with no condition and most of all respect the entirety of me. Maybe, just maybe i am just confused of my feeling because of the past that is so hard to conquer.
I believe love is about holding on and never let go. Yes, its painful now knowing that he end up with another girl, I do wished that we can still be together despite what happened. I still do dream that it still me that he is thinking and dreaming but reality hurts and thats where the pain of moving on starts. When you think that theres no way where you can fight the person you want then its just right to surrender the battle. Our past is very special to me because of so many memories that we shared. We had lots of out of town trips, we shared lots of heartaches and laughter. We conquer a lot of relationship triumphs and yet what hurts most is at the end of the day he choose to leave me. The latter is enough reminder for me to embrace my present relationship. He may not be the best man in whole world but in my life he is my knight in shining armour that stood for me when all of the people i loved left me.
LOve is not always perfect and theres no such thing as perfect story. Fairytales and story book are just meant for day dreaming and maybe to inspire us a little. Love is nevery easy, it was never an easy journey knowing the pain and nerve breaking moments one has to experience while fighting for the one you love. BUt one thing is sure, its goung to be a rewarding and fulfilling path especially if you've found the right partner. Maybe, the pain will never vanished easily but the love that im receiving from my man will surely bring heal the wound the soonest. I had so many fight in my life and this time around i will overcome all our obstacles and face our challenges coz he is worth of my love and trust. Yes, he is a fair bargain.
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