Today marks our first mnthsary of my bf, but the day seems just so ordinary, no greetings, no celebrations..just as if nothing so extraordinary..yay..im getting so emotional, but for a woman like me, it always been the most important days in our lives, we always treasure especial occasions, yeah, i am like that.Perhaps i just expect much from the relationship, that each time it fails, i always rants about it, complain and i always have the feeling of moving out from the foursquare hole.
I always tell him that if the day comes that he no longer felt something special for me, he should just be honest and tell me directly about what he truelly felt, coz i dont want that ill came to a point that i would be overstepping my boundary, in the sense that, i would believe that i have the right over him but in reality, i have nothing over him, since he is emotionally unattached, its just better to be civil and have separate lives that expecting too much from him, from us.
I still remember, a very sad thing, it was the mourn of my grand mom, i asked him to be at the house and joined the family for the night vigil, as i was expceting him to be gentleman in a way that he would accept my favor and be at the house for tbat night, but to my dismay, he choose to be with his friends and enjoy their company. It was quite sad on my part because as his gf, i was emotionally down at that time, and i need his shoulder to lean on, but he didnt show up. That was the first time i felt so bad, not on him but on his attitude, i knew i need to accept him in both sides, as we are in the process of adjustments but sometimes im getting tired for always understanding, sometimes my heart also get tired, it sometimes think of giving up..
I just wander, coz my friends say that a relationship should always be a home where you can find comforts of a partner, a home for both joy and sorrow as you get along with the trials and tests of life, a relationship should be a bridge to bring goodness and welfare to both partners, and if it doenst, it is not love based, its a selfish relationship.
An ideal partner should be at your side during the saddest times of your life, he would think of you than of his own, love should be not be self centerd..If at the end of the day you find yourself, still unhappy, just take time and never waste a single moment to look for a man who would provide your other half..coz true love waits.
