Never Been To Me

The song says" Ive been to paradise but ive never been to me". I may have touched a lot of heart, i may have caused a smile to someone else heart but ive never make my heart smile even for a single day coz sometimes we may have portray a happy face to everyone but its only us who knews what we felt and how we felt inside. It may be good sometimes to cry if you think you cant make it anymore, or if you felt its so much heavy burden that to the extent youre hurtin too much. I am the type of person who easily cry because it my own way of alleviating my emotionla state, i felt relieved when i cry and i felt so okey when i do so. Its just that now i am in pain and i just dont wnat to disclose why i am hurtin but one thing is sure, it is so painful.Up until last night my eyebags are so much visible that i dnt want to go out because i felt it would attract their attention. I just couldnt help but to burst out all that im feeling, all the hurt, all the pain and all the things i couldnt say, those unspoken thoughs thats hurtin me coz i believe its better to keep it with myself and leaving me hurtin than to speak those words and leave someone else a scar that cant be erased by time. That's me, if i can handle it all by myself, i will keep it within me so that the pain will be just within me and no one will be hurt coz i love them. But why is it always me thats hurt? when im all along have been true and have been keeping my promise to be good in the eyes of law and in the eyes of God.

You know last night, when i felt all alone in the room, i have this doubt if God really loves me coz if HE cares for me why does He allows such things to happen to me. But i erased the thought and i just prayed and i asked for an angel to hug wth lats night, truelly i didnt remember how i was able to have a good sleep and this morning i just woke up with my pillow in between my arms as if the pillow becomes a comforter last night. I knew theres a good reason behind this and a purpose for me to learn more and be strong in this journey. I knew how HE would like to take all the worries and fears that i had but as much as he wants to.,He wants me to experience such so that i will be molded as a strong woman, a woman HE wants me to become all along.I may now know what lies behind those tests but one thing is sure I can surpass them all - because I have GOD with me, in me and for me.