Choice and Choices

It was a fine weather that greeted me as i wake up just 30 minutes before 9 in the morning, it was just 5 more days to go before Christmas day. As i checked the clock, oh my, i forgot to alarm last night, i should have woke up very early coz im going to the southern part of the region, hmmm dont ask why? you knew that already, when a girl does climb the highest mountain or dive the deepest sea, its all for the one and only reason - for the man of her life. True indeed, i finally found my self just few distance more before ill knock at his office, apperantly i feel something stranged, i feel like theres something wrong, my hearts beats faster as if im nervous, i can feel a cold sweat on my hand, i began to ask myself?,whats wrong?hmmm, maybe because im just super excited but i bet not, all these doubts was answered when i opened the door of their office and found him with an another girl, they were at their sweetest position, a girl could not think otherwise, than to conclude that theyre a couple. I wanted to ask, who was the girl but my toungue seems shy to move, but tears fall. I knew it, my heart betrays me again, i couldnt keep the pain in just there, i couldnt make my heart pretend and worst i gave up the bomb thats threateaning to explode in my heart. With no choice, i unburden the emotional bomb infront of the two person i choose not to be with at that time.

I was leaved with two choices, to leave and just stepped away or to face them and pretend that everything will be alright, I choose the later. If you would ask me now, if it was insanity that drives me to choose that, i will tell you, it was not. I believe that facing them off was the best thing to do than to hide all my questions and what if's and choose not to be answered and regret after all. It was the hardest decision i have ever made, it was like facing the truth when you knew that truth will hurt you like the cut of a knife but if truth hurt, isnt a lie hurts most? Keeping and believing a lie for almost 2 years was the one that is much painful, the one day face off was the beginning and the end of my miseries, and i wanted to believe that it was the best decision in my life. Choice tore us apart but my choice made me the complete woman i am right now.

My friends always reminds me to forget and learn to move on, i do and i honestly have move forward but memories are part of us and part of our yesterday. THough we have forget the pain but the scar can never be vanished. I am not feeling the same way anymore nor have kept a special place for him, its just the story of the past that made me share as ive remembered his name. Quite cliche, but as i borrowed what the famous writer have used, sharing a part of you does not mean u havent move on rather reminiscing the past is a clear indication how youre confident of sharing your mistakes to be a lesson and a constant reminder of how you were able to get rid of the painful memories,have moved on, was healed and now a new persona.

Like the wind that passes by and comes back, my stories reminds me of how our choices leads us to where we should be. It may not be so ideal or happy as what we ought our stories to be but it will surely be a story that is worth tellin for. A battle of what should be done and what i havent done.At the end of the day, no matter how my choice has driven a sad love story but it completely turns back my identity, my respect and my self-worth. Can there's still be happy ending?

Sisterete

Allow me to share to you guys how happy i am today for my little sis. the good news is, she is chosen as the official candidate of our region to be one of the contestants in the debate contest in the league of private schools in the country. I am really overjoyed of the mere fact that my sister does so well in her studies, i am proud of the fact that at least all my efforts and sacrifices were paid off, i mean i just so loved my sister so much. Just an hour ago i was at their school to help her in her other documents and get her ticket as well. We did had a good time together though we were on the long queue most of the time, but it all ended up pretty well. OH, i will miss her for two weeks when shes gone, i dont know how to spend the day and especially the night without her, coz mostly we had a usual chitchats about anything under the sun, but its alright, i knew she will not be that long there. You know what i have lots of things to be thankful about, First and foremost because i have a loving and supportive family, my support system is very intact, coz when you are emotionally drained and crippled, they are the one and only family who would be there for you, lucky if you have other shoulders aside from them, lucky if you have the boyfriend or a friend to count on but always and almost the latter usually vanished when youre at your lowest times. Ive just learned that recently..

To my sweety sister, just want to tell you how much i appreciate the bonding we had, i may not tell you everyday how your presence changes the emptiness in me but just once and just for today allow me to tell you how much i appreciate everything youve done for me, i may not be able to express how much i love u and how proud of you because youre my sister, but believe me i really do. Whenever you feel that no one seems to care about you, just bear in mind that im just behind u, no need for demands coz im willing to stick with you without hesitation.

Hearts Day

Yesterday was the most lovers waited for, its the day intended to those who have finally found the man and the woman of their life. BUt as for me, it was just a day for celebration of singlehood. This is my first time i celebrated this special day just at home, with my family. Nevertheless i realized, valentines is not only for lovers, rather its also about love for your significant others like for your family, friends and people close to your heart - this is usually the excuse of the loveless, like me.(hehehhe). BUt believe it or not, as this day approaches i have lots of compelling reasons why is should not be sad on this day, though i find it hard at first to convince myself but truelly i have lots of reasons to celebrate and put a smile on this day, first and foremost because i knew from myself that i have peace of mind, second i have finally unburden all the garbages that has been in my heart for so long and lastly because finally i am ready to take another chance, im ready for another emotional roller coaster again, with someone hopefully that could complete the puzzle. But of course, i had few reasons too why i choose not to celebrate the love's day. First because i am sad of the fact that i have lose communication with a great friend. Im missing him really, but i knew he has the best reason why he cut the rope that attached him to me and vice-versa and i would like to respect that. Though i have developed feelings for him already, i would like to believe that this is the best thing for us, coz eventually if it isnt right, everything will fall into places at teh right time. They all say that its about destiny, coz if you are really meant for each other, it will just happen at the right time and to the right person. I guess, he just gets tired of the situation and cant blame him, but i would just leave it up to GOD, everything that happened was purposedly done and according to his plan. I may never understand at this very moment the reason why our paths crossed but hopefully at HIS time it will be answered.

The Best of Me

Before i logged in to my account, i kept wondering and imagining a lot of things, some are dreams and some maybe superfacial ambitions. However, some things cannot be denied nor hidden that i am somehow thinking of myself in the years to come, my plans and my goals in this journey, i am somehow thinking if ever i will gte married, or will i have children or worst will the right man come? hehehe, im sorry but just cant help it, cant help but question if sometimes fantasies are real. but i knew its not, thats why its called fantasy, just lived in dreams - in our wildest dreams. I am entertain by some thoughts that life is like a theater, everyday is like a show, everyday is a stuggle to prove to the audience that we are worth watchin for, somehow my life is or should i say our life is like a piece of a shit film, we are always dying to please everyone, we always crave for pleasantries and for other people to admire us and to top it all, we want to be in a status far reachable than the rest, but isnt it too tiring sometimes to maintain the status quoe, sometimes we are unhappy of pleasing the people around us and somehow we tend to be just ourself, just me and i and myself. I hate to be self-centere and i know im not but sometimes i cant help it but to love myself first before loving others but arent we all encouraged by our faith to be other-centered, to what? to find the true meaning of love, of true love. I always tends to give the best of me, whether to a boyfriend, to my sister, to my family, to my work, to my friends, even to the people i rarely talk with, but sometimes my best wasnt good enough, is not enough and will not be enough.

Personal Saint: St. Jude

I remember a college friend way back on my teen days, when sometimes life was a bit ricky, she will always reminds me that life has its own ups and downs, and instead of being frustrated when time came that we are on our downfall, lets stop worrying and just have faith, and everything will just be alrught in time. I used to believe that until now, when i felt i am bounded by frustrations and pain, i end up praying so that GOD will take aways all my worries and fears. And indeed, it vanished. I dont know if you heared the story of St. Jude, He is the saint of the impossible, i actually dont have any idea about him until a great friend introduces me to him. Since we were in the same room before, i usually asked him who was JUDE, coz he just named him JUDE and he was always included in our conversation, not until i was left alone in the roon and noticed a statue that looks like a saint, when she arrived i asked her, if she was the JUDE she was telling to me, and she said yes. True, i never once believe in him but not until HE has proved how good he was, HE has made a lots of miracles and made the impossible possible. He is a great friend and a confidante. Now he is my personal saint, and i just love talking and communicating with him, He is really like a bestfriend to me and my personal saviour, so now when things really fall out, i just kept in my mind that St. Jude is there for me, always. To those who dont know yet of my friend JUDE, pls do just knock at his doorsteps and he will help those who invoked his aid, that's a promise.

Hearts Day

Funny how everyone were all excited for the coming of the most anticipated day for lovers. Some may even booked already flowers or stuff toys for their significant others. BUt for those who are loveless like me, i ought not to think about it instead. Last year was very memorable for me, we were together with my ex and had a great celebration. Yes, i sometimes envy those girls who were really so lucky to have their special someone with them, but i dont think i settled for less. I have my ever supportive, understanding and patient friend whom i considered the closest man i ever had now. Valentines maybe romantic in the real sense but nothing is more ideal and meaningful than to have someone you can share in happiness and in pain, and much more than the box of chocolates or flowers, my man is still incomparable. Nothing beats than to have him in your life.

Friendship

I remember my bestfriend whom i was so close with, he was the only guy i was really so close in all my batchmates, when i was suspended during my college years, he initiated a protest against the management coz he felt the later did not exercise fully my students right. Because he was the school studentry president, he was also suspended by the school administrator for what he has done, but he simply accepted it because he doesnt want to leave me alone. That doesnt stops there. Two years ago, i was rushed to the hospital because of over-fatigue, the rest of my office mates were really worried because i was just alone there. Since David is a constant caller, they called him up and told them what happened. SO he immedietly took his leave and takes good care of me. He was there when i celebrated my birthday at the hospital, he was there when i cried so hard because my former bf betrayed me, he was there when the world seems so unfair on my side. I remember last year on my birthday, he made an specialy delivery of ballons and chocolates to my office and gave a simple yet meaningful card. Our friendship was tested by time and of trials and shortcomings. Yet we remain strong and proved a concrete union bound by trust and of great value to each other. I use not to trust men by then not until my bestfriend proved to me that you cant really knew a man exactly not even the way he dressed or the way he smile, its with the chance to be with him and as you surpass the challenge of time that you can really know if he is worth keepin for.

I am not closing my doors for someone or for anyone, as clarence says, i wouldnt stop loving until i find my perfect match. Its when u strive for unconditional love that would make love worth fightin for. And this journey has just started.....

Clarence's NOte

"Love is exactly what it implies..simply LOVE. Sometimes its offered and given without hestitation, and sometimes its given and offered with reservations,its what humans do. The key is to strive to LOVE unconditionally"

I wanted to start this post by sharing to you one of the comments in my previous post given by Clarence, I am really so touched of his comment really, coz true enough LOVE is given without hesitations but somehow there are also cases that it is given with reservations. As i was done redaing his comment i began to realize, true indeed, we are hurt sometimes because there are expectations from our partner and somehow we are demanding something from our significant others over things that should not be. First, we should try to accept some facts that love is a gift and not an obligation, thats why there are lots of brokenhearted because they felt their partner did not do what they expect them to do. Luckily i can say that i am fortunate that i met someone who was really an open-minded. Now i realize his point, you are right babe..why dont we enjoy what we have and lets see what we can do soon. I am wrong of rushing things out this time, im sorry if i was being so emotional, maybe because i didnt understand what you fully mean by then. Its just good that you are a good person and that you had the patience to embrace my imperfections.

I would love if we can talk things out in the phone babe, coz you knew how much i missed you already..I love u so much.

SANTINO..

BRAVO!, cheers to the cast and productions crews and staff and of course to the management of ABS - CBN for the great success and excellent ending of May Bukas Pa, i knew a lot of bloggers will have great reviews on this said primetime series, but i really cant help it but blog about this thing. The teleserye is one of the few series in the television that had excellent moral adhersity to its viewing public. I want to commend the people behind this series to come up with this television remake, truelly inspiring. Aside from that, its a wake up call and for everyone of us, as we reflect our faith and our relationship to HIM. I am truelly blessed for having the chance to be an avid fan of SANTINO and his journey. I am also thankful that this series truelly contributed moral and spiritual guidance to every households.

What IF?

If things maybe not right then now? when it the right time? and if you did had the chance to make proper choices, would you choose the right thing, when the right thing is being friends and did not start as lovers? Maybe our paths crossed because we do have lessons to be earned, its just sad that we have to know it the hard way. And now we do realized things and we were sorry for starting things wrong, but are there really exact standards to follow as to when and who to fall in love with? Why is it very predominant in the game of love to have more mistakes than happy endings? Is it because theres really no rules in love? or is it because we just dont have the heart and true meaning of what really love is?

If love is about pain, then i guess i would be willing to earn the suffering and if love is about happiness, then much more that i wanted to enjoy the feeling of being other centered and forgetting one's selfs. But what if love is about both? taking pains to finally get a sought after happy endings. And if happy endings are really worth it then i would be very glad to be hurt for you if ending up with you is the ultimate price.